Six Feet: The Social Distance or a Guaranteed Two-Putt?

By Kyle McKinney

April 7, 2020

The wait is over my friends. No, no…not the quarantine resulting from the coronavirus, COVID-19, SARS-CoV-2, Chinese Virus, or whatever other names it has taken on. The Inaugural 2020 Northeast Ohio Golf League (NEOGL) is upon us! The boys of the 2020 NEOGL have been waiting…err, months I guess, for this to start. Nonetheless, they have been anxious to get out on the links of NEO and test their skills and throw away a couple Chipotle burritos-worth in bets each outing. Never has the future of the league looked so bright.

Now let’s get discuss the bones of the format. Each league outing will be a 2-man scramble scoring format. Each outing must consist of at least 3 teams to be considered a League Event. Each league participant must participate in four events to qualify for the year end league championship tournament. The League Championship date is tentatively set for Saturday, October 3^rd at a venue later to be announced. Specifics about the rules can be found in the rule book issued by the commissioner, Phil Schieman.

The league will be run by the following officers:

• Commissioner: Phil Schieman

• Editor-in-Chief: Kyle McKinney

• Treasurer: Bret Vaselaney

• Rules Committee: Mario Gastaldo, Matthew Miller, and James Wackerly

Year-end awards and trophies will be given out at the completion of the season. The officers have named Jordan Onderdonk the Inaugural Shitty Golfer. Here here! No other preseason awards were deemed necessary…or deserving.

Pending Governor DeWine’s blessing, the boys will kickoff the 2020 NEOGL this Saturday, April 11^th at Tanglewood Golf Club in Chagrin Falls, Ohio at 10:20am and 10:25am, respectively. There are many questions coming into the inaugural season and first official league outing of the year. Will Kyle even carry a driver or an iron is his bag this year? Will Phil use his 60 degree or stick to the bump-and-run with his trusty 7-iron? How many times will Jimmy show-up tanked from the night before? How long until the league places smelling salts, prescribed by Dr. Gastaldo, on the banned substance list? What pre-game pizza parlor will give Bret the best chance to perform? With no TJ to carry him…how many Coors Lights (or ‘pen hits) will Jordan average per 9? Maybe Big Red, Chris Hall, will come to Jordan’s rescue as a partner…maybe not the hero he needs but the hero he deserves. Will the vagabond, Miller, ever show up on time? I do not know much about James Wackerly, but I sure am glad to have him as the tie-breaker in the shit-show that it the other two on the Rules Committee.

Others will join the 2020 NEOGL, and they will be just as terrible as those already in it. I look forward to spending too much money at golf courses well above our skill level and sneaking beer in our bags as if we were not in our late-20’s, early 30’s with steady jobs. Cheers to the first league outing of the year!